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(-but i feel so crap and depressed and awful, please don't call me on it. Just this once.)
Everything should be awesome but it really isn't.
1) I went for one of those photoshoot thing-ys with my sister yesterday. It was fine, except - well, i hate having photos taken of me. I still think of myself as a skinny person inside - i've never really quite got the hang of all the extra weight i'm carrying around - and then seeing all these really nice photos of me - except i have no chin and i have no neck - it made me feel awful.
( weight/appearance stuff. cut for self indulgent )
2) I'm the only person who still hasn't heard from oxford whether i'm in or out. I have no idea why. The people in germany and SPAIN have heard. This is the third day of waiting when i should have heard but didn't. I'm not sleeping, i'm crotchety and miserable and stressed. I really want to go to oxford. I REALLY want to study Human Sciences. There isn't another degree course like it in the country - it's almost completely unique in its structure, organization, interdisciplinary-ness and breadth. I can only study it at Oxford. I am so disenchanted with my backup subjects i really don't want to study them. Bugger.
3) I have 6 exams in january and little/no motivation to work for them because of this.
4) I'm broke. University interviews meant that i didn't work in november so now i have 73p in my bank account. I can't buy any christmas presents and it makes me sad.
And combine these all together I got a christmas card from the ex and the house in vancouver, which was such a nice thought and should have made me happy but it just made me cry because i'm so sick of being bored and lonely here and they're all being fabulous and rich and the ex has his new girlfriend who he dumped me for in the messiest and most ego-destroying way and brendan and pauline are all married and eka and nicolai are joined at the hip and just - I'm enormasly fat and unattractive and not smart enough to get into university and i have no friends and no one wants me.
...merry christmas, kirstine.
Everything should be awesome but it really isn't.
1) I went for one of those photoshoot thing-ys with my sister yesterday. It was fine, except - well, i hate having photos taken of me. I still think of myself as a skinny person inside - i've never really quite got the hang of all the extra weight i'm carrying around - and then seeing all these really nice photos of me - except i have no chin and i have no neck - it made me feel awful.
( weight/appearance stuff. cut for self indulgent )
2) I'm the only person who still hasn't heard from oxford whether i'm in or out. I have no idea why. The people in germany and SPAIN have heard. This is the third day of waiting when i should have heard but didn't. I'm not sleeping, i'm crotchety and miserable and stressed. I really want to go to oxford. I REALLY want to study Human Sciences. There isn't another degree course like it in the country - it's almost completely unique in its structure, organization, interdisciplinary-ness and breadth. I can only study it at Oxford. I am so disenchanted with my backup subjects i really don't want to study them. Bugger.
3) I have 6 exams in january and little/no motivation to work for them because of this.
4) I'm broke. University interviews meant that i didn't work in november so now i have 73p in my bank account. I can't buy any christmas presents and it makes me sad.
And combine these all together I got a christmas card from the ex and the house in vancouver, which was such a nice thought and should have made me happy but it just made me cry because i'm so sick of being bored and lonely here and they're all being fabulous and rich and the ex has his new girlfriend who he dumped me for in the messiest and most ego-destroying way and brendan and pauline are all married and eka and nicolai are joined at the hip and just - I'm enormasly fat and unattractive and not smart enough to get into university and i have no friends and no one wants me.
...merry christmas, kirstine.
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